I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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