I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND