I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.