Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
