Whod you bang
If that was your dad, he is hot
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
