i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
