it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
