I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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