I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
