getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
