Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
