so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
