there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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