I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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