Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
