did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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