Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
