I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
