A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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