i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bring me that man meat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
