I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
