I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
