I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.