Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (4289) Bad night (608)
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  (714): View more from California

  Ikea night.

  (949): View more from California

  ?

  (714): View more from California

  Insert tab A into swedish slot B

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  (714): Ikea night. (949): ? (714): Insert tab A into swedish slot B http://tfl.nu/q7ph
  Replies (19) Good night (4262) Bad night (550)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

  (239): View more from Florida

  I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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  (239): I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning. (239): I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais. http://tfl.nu/n26p
  Replies (18) Good night (704) Bad night (1392)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"

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  (317): she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES" http://tfl.nu/88gh
  Replies (46) Good night (4039) Bad night (1133)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.

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  (479): He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/ga3r
  Replies (7) Good night (4043) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

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  (207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su
  Replies (17) Good night (8474) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

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  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6658) Bad night (1226)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame

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  (310): I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame http://tfl.nu/qjff
  Replies (14) Good night (3357) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?

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  (662): There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this? http://tfl.nu/zwz2
  Replies (4) Good night (1194) Bad night (1657)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?

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  (414): Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table? http://tfl.nu/liu6
  Replies (7) Good night (2352) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  why is my forehead so bruised?

  (1+61): View more from

  i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.

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  (+61): why is my forehead so bruised? (1+61): i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms. http://tfl.nu/t9yj
  Replies (6) Good night (2328) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (201): MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/cgk3
  Replies (8) Good night (3328) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

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  (605): When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots http://tfl.nu/ud2p
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.

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  (419): I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina. http://tfl.nu/vhcx
  Replies (6) Good night (1113) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you

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  (931): He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you http://tfl.nu/kuvj
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (375)

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