also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo