But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back