Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
