then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
