Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
