i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
