dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
