i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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