well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's blow job season.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
