At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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