Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
