Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
