I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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