VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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