i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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