Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
