She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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