Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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