I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
