If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
