So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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