My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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