For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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