She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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