I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
