soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
