kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
