you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
