you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
