i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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