Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
