Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
