..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you had me at cake vodka
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
