I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i out mim tonsoeep
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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