some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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