I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
