tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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