You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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