Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
