I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
