allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ugly people sure do ruin things
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
