i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
